Urban Velo

Bike Menace to Society

It’s not The Onion or The Daily Show, but it comes from the same journalistic lineage, so don’t get your chamois all in a bunch. This article from Daily Bleach takes on the anti-social, drug-promoting, violent nature of the militant bicyclist. The author makes some fantastic points that you may do well to consider, such as:

This lifestyle represents a strange mix of radical environmentalism, social anarchism and extreme misanthropy. Is it any surprise that most “cyclists” identity as atheists and liberals? – Guilty as charged.

When one is drugged up on a bicycle, local police pay no heed. Indeed, it’s not even a crime to ride a bike fifty miles an hour zonked out on a heavy dose of reefer. – Reefer, that has something to do with surfing right?

The truth is that bike lanes cause criminal amounts of road congestion and many are rarely used. Why, then, have so many mayors and other council members bowed down to these cruel, smug social subversives? – Because our bike travels expose us to the best prostitutes and we pass this information along to those in high places? Just a guess.

Read the rest for a hefty dose of weekend-starting awesomeness. Be careful out there you murderous, militant, reefer heads.

About Scott Spitz

Commuting, touring, kid hauling, couriering, mechanic work, sales, advocacy, fixed, free—Scott has had his hands in it all over the years.

View all posts by Scott Spitz →

7 Comments

  1. scottAugust 3, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Link fail. The site was working when I set this up last night, but apparently it has since been “suspended”. Sorry…the rest was quite entertaining.

  2. SleevelessAugust 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

    And in a related story…
    http://dailybleach.com/the-naked-liberal-protest-ritual-decoded/

  3. jackAugust 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I can’t believe I just made that site money with my click-thru. Wow. Tempted to leave a comment there but why bother.

  4. I feel dumberAugust 4, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Wow that’s an incredible collection of red Herrings, Shoot enough shotgun shells at a barn and you are bound to scratch the paint

  5. WallabeeAugust 4, 2012 at 10:14 am

    I can’t believe you guys even posted this. Worst article ever on this site. I love you guys but little disappointed this morning.

  6. JJKAugust 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Why would you post this? Stoner, athiest, liberal – not my style – To each his/her own. I didn’t expect to see such a slanted article stating that most cyclists deny that there is a God, smoke reefer and vote democratic.

  7. scottAugust 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Maybe if it said most cyclists in Pittsburgh drink like fishes, I could agree. I truely hope this was meant as satire.

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